N For Nirav

Location: Indore, (MP), India

It's the toughest job to define self...

Monday, July 19, 2004

Bihari English

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS) Examinations..

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed,And
because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.. His whole body can be utilised for use.More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. [gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun.. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on theother end of the other side.. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.

This is the cow........

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere,..[sorry somewhere in Bihar] 

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Future plans...

Third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a
teacher's pet. He stood and said,

"My name is Dan, and
when I become a man,
I would like to go to Japan if I can,
and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the
middle of the room. She stood up and answered the
roll call by stating,

"My name is Suzy,
and when I become a lady I would like
to have a baby...if I can,
and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little John,
sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and

"My name is John,
and I don't give a damm
about Japan,
but I would like to help Suzy in her plan
if I can
and I think I can!"

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Programmers & Managers...

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager!'

'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'...!!!!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Have you ever thought...

Anger is a condition in which
the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying over the future.

God always gives His best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.

A hug is a great gift... one size fits all.
It can be given for any occasion
and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...
especially when they do not deserve it.

Laughter is God's sunshine.

Everyone has beauty
but not everyone sees it.

Take time to laugh, for it is
the music of the soul.

For every minute you are angry with someone,
you lose 60 seconds of happiness
that you can never get back.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Something to say...

One should love animals
They are so tasty.

Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is one woman
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.

Wise men never marry
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject

Thursday, July 01, 2004

One liners...

I get up at 6 a.m., no matter what time it is.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,
and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the
prices of a new car

It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such
good friends.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing
for any man.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life sentence!!

Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts
when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

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