Location: Indore, (MP), India

It's the toughest job to define self...

Monday, July 19, 2004

Bihari English

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS) Examinations..

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed,And
because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.. His whole body can be utilised for use.More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. [gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun.. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on theother end of the other side.. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.

This is the cow........

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere,..[sorry somewhere in Bihar] 


Blogger राजेश कुमार सिंह said...

It reminds me about a saying which goes like this,
"Bihar stands at the same place in India as India stands in the world."
So,one title of your blog can also be "Bihari Indian".

September 27, 2004 at 5:15 AM  
Blogger Vijay Wadnere said...


thiz waaj a grate peace of inglish.

April 19, 2006 at 4:34 AM  
Blogger smriti said...

the first time i read this "essay" I was in fifth grade and that was a long time back. I have since then heard of the piece in reference to way many states in India.
Don't you think you are a little too rash and over-confident in actually passing it off as NEWS?

August 30, 2006 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Atta said...

Bihar is a useful thing, because he is a bihar, it mistakes unto cow.

September 30, 2008 at 1:09 AM  
Blogger Swami Dayal said...

It is remarkable that Dean Mahomed, a Bihari , was claimed to be the first writer in English. His Travels (completed on January 15, 1794) was the first book in English by an Indian. Dean Mahomed was by no means the only Bihari to have left his mark on Indian English literature. How can one forget 19th century writers like Avadh Behari Lall, as well as the fact that so many leading Indian English writers and critics today have had something to do with Bihar: Vikram Seth, Meenakshi Mukherjee, Shyamala Narayan. There are, of course, also a few contemporary or recent writers from Bihar who remain quite visible in the English-reading world: Amitava Kumar, Sidhartha Chowdhury, Indrani Aikath-Gyaltsen, and others. That all this is so often forgotten has much to do with the fact that there has been a lack of political will in Bihar to highlight its own literatures and arts, and in particular the contributions of Biharis in English.

August 16, 2009 at 9:04 AM  

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