N For Nirav

The Brick

2004-10-18T23:53:00.000-07:00

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting outfrom between parked cars and slowed downwhen he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakesand backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's mybrother,"he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up. "Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the freshscrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay."Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Tooshook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable,but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept thedent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you toget your attention!"

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy aboutyou!

God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter withoutsorrow,
sun without rain,
but He did promise strength for the day,
comfortforthe tears,
and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it

Before solving...

2004-09-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus
and said,"Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger,and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story:
Be sure there is a problem in the first place before
working hard to solve one.

PUT THE GLASS DOWN

2004-09-06T03:49:00.000-07:00

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.

He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think
this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' .......'125gms' ......the students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor, 'but, my
question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor
asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;
have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students
laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked
the
professor. 'No'

Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'

The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer
& they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before
you go to sleep.

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong
& can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today,

Remember friend to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

Have a Nice Day !!!

Bihari English

2004-07-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS) Examinations..

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed,And
because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.. His whole body can be utilised for use.More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. [gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun.. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on theother end of the other side.. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.

This is the cow........

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere,..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]

Future plans...

2004-07-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

Third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a
teacher's pet. He stood and said,

"My name is Dan, and
when I become a man,
I would like to go to Japan if I can,
and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the
middle of the room. She stood up and answered the
roll call by stating,

"My name is Suzy,
and when I become a lady I would like
to have a baby...if I can,
and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little John,
sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and
said,

"My name is John,
and I don't give a damm
about Japan,
but I would like to help Suzy in her plan
if I can
and I think I can!"

Programmers & Managers...

2004-07-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager!'

'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'...!!!!

Have you ever thought...

2004-07-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

Anger is a condition in which
the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying over the future.

God always gives His best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.

A hug is a great gift... one size fits all.
It can be given for any occasion
and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...
especially when they do not deserve it.

Laughter is God's sunshine.

Everyone has beauty
but not everyone sees it.

Take time to laugh, for it is
the music of the soul.

For every minute you are angry with someone,
you lose 60 seconds of happiness
that you can never get back.

Something to say...

2004-07-06T05:54:00.000-07:00

One should love animals
They are so tasty.

Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is one woman
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.

Wise men never marry
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject

One liners...

2004-07-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

I get up at 6 a.m., no matter what time it is.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,
and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the
prices of a new car.

It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such
good friends.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the
house.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing
for any man.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life sentence!!

Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts
when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and
lightning.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

Stupid Questions With The Smart Answers

2004-06-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Employer's Lingo

2004-06-25T02:22:00.000-07:00

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" : We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" : We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well,a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" : You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" : Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED" : Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON": If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" : You're walking into a company in perpetual
chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" : Management communicates, you listen, figure out
what they want and do it.